Kate Moss must seriously be plotting to destroy one of my favorite bands. First she annihilates a bunch of brand-spanking-new Kills songs before they make it to the album, and now…NOW I hear that she’s trying to weasel her way into the band while Alison Mosshart’s gone off to play with Jack White for a spell. I hope the rumors aren’t true that Jamie Hince is actually looking for a female singer to replace Alison Mosshart. Alison and Jamie are The Kills. And anyway, I thought Alison was only taking a temporary hiatus from the band to tour with The Dead Weather (all those other guys have other bands too, after all). And who the heck does Kate Moss think she is, anyway, thinking she could replace Alison? Earth to Kate: Alison Mosshart has real talent; she doesn’t have to settle for making a living as a walking, talking, coke-sniffing, spotlight-stealing mannequin. And if that weren’t bad enough, while doing some research (courtesy of Google) to find out more about Kate’s apparent plans to further sabotage The Kills, I also found some rumors that Kate and Jamie just might be engaged. I think I may gag. Jamie, you seem like an intelligent enough man. Do the smart thing and dump that glorified skeleton before it’s too late.
I Officially Hate Kate Moss. June 25, 2009
And no, not because I’m jealous of her fame, material wealth, or tall stature, nor that she gets to hang out with some of the coolest musicians (i.e. The Kills. More about them later) and actors (i.e. Johnny Depp…well, maybe not anymore) under the age of 50. No, not even because a perfectly good White Stripes cover of a perfectly good Burt Bacharach composition was sabotaged by Moss’s skeletal, lingerie-clad, pole-dancing frame being the main focus in the video (though believe me, that did not make my opinion of her any more favorable. Nevertheless, it’s Sofia Coppola, the video’s director, who is truly deserving of my rage, as she was the one who came up with the video’s concept. I don’t care who her father is, that video was a disgrace). No, the reason why I now passionately despise that woman is because she has caused a delay in the production, and ultimately the release, of The Kills’ next album.
See, what happened was, Moss and her current boyfriend Jamie Hince (the male half of The Kills; the female half being Alison Mosshart, who’s currently fronting The Dead Weather) were having some kind of poolside tiff (note to self: never get into a fight with someone anywhere near a pool. There’s just to much potential for disaster) which resulted in Moss throwing a bag of Hince’s into the pool, unaware that that bag contained a laptop computer, and that Hince had saved several recordings of new songs by The Kills. Unfortunately, these files were not only destroyed, but they had not been saved to any other source (yet another reason why I’m somewhat technophobic;
the thought that anyone would record and save songs on a single computer, especially a type of computer with a lightweight and aerodynamic form that facilitates its being hurled into a swimming pool, freaks me out). So thanks a whole lot, Kate Moss, for making me wait for the next Kills album. And just because she was unaware of the bag’s contents doesn’t give her any excuse. You just don’t go throwing bags into pools, especially if you have no idea what could be in them, maybe something important, hmm? I bet Kate Moss would flip her lid if Jamie Hince threw one of her purses in the water, even if it just contained her cosmetics (especially since, if the above picture is any indication, Moss’s public image would probably suffer big-time if she had to go for the rest of the day without a touch-up). If I were Jamie Hince right now, I would not accept that kind of behavior at all. I’d dump that no-good, electronics-throwing Kate Moss on her bony butt.