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In Which I Issue a Sincere Apology to Kate Moss June 16, 2012

Let me make one thing clear right here and now: I do not in any way entertain the vain delusion that Kate Moss, ridiculously famous model that she is (for better or for worse) has the tiniest inkling that this blog exists, much less that she’d actually have the time or interest to peruse it, nor that it would bear any sort of weight on her self-esteem, one way or another, if she did. So I don’t expect her ever to read this any more than I expect her to have read the mean things I posted about her some two or three years ago. Nevertheless, as a writer who began to re-embrace feminism around the same time as this blog’s genesis, I feel it’s only right (and long, long overdue) that I acknowledge how my former criticism of Ms. Moss was fraught with immature, uncalled-for, and downright unfeminist sentiments. In order to grow as a person and possible future role model, I believe that it’s my duty not to ignore the fact that I’m not perfect, and to own up to the times in the past when I said some things that were dumb and inconsistent with the viewpoints I currently hold. And so the time has come (the walrus said) to air out my dirty laundry before anyone else has any incentive to.

First of all, what the heck was I thinking when I chose that “stars without makeup” picture of Kate Moss to illustrate that first rant I posted on her, along with the caption, “The ugly side of a supermodel”?  I’ll tell you what I was thinking:  that I was being witty and edgy and being all, “Everyone thinks Kate Moss is so pretty and great, I’ll show them, I’ll show them all what she really looks like under all that makeup [maniacal laugh]!”  But now, not only do I recognize that this is a tactic the popular media use all the damn time to make celebrities – particularly female celebrities – seem absolutely heinous just for having the audacity to look like a normal human earthling in public (SCANDALOUS!), or to make us feel better about not being able to afford the resources necessary to keep others ignorant of our physical flaws or some shit, but also, the post of mine that accompanied that picture?  Yeah, it pretty much had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Kate Moss’s appearance at all.  And while it isn’t totally inappropriate to use some visual aids every now and then to make my posts all spiffy-looking and interesting, there really is no excuse for the graphic I used, and even less excuse for the caption that went with it.  Because really, all I was doing there was reinforcing the idea that women should be judged based on appearance, even while at the same time I probably thought I was combating that very notion.

While we’re on the subject of Kate Moss’s appearance, I recognize now that I was wrong to mock Kate for the way she’s supposed to be sexualized in the music video for “I Just Don’t Know What to Do With Myself.”  To be perfectly clear, I still find the video to be an embarrassing stain on the otherwise pristine body of work that is The White Stripes’ video catalogue, and I still don’t know what the hell Sofia Coppola was thinking when she decided to go in that creative (and I use the word “creative” in the loosest sense possible) direction when it’s not like we haven’t seen shit like that going on in every other video made for less interesting bands by more amateurish directors, etc.  But that isn’t really Kate’s fault, nor is it her fault that many men (and women, I’m sure) find her to be very sexually attractive (which is not a problem in and of itself), nor is it even her fault that our media-driven society in general and her line of work in particular encourage sexual favoritism towards women who are or border on being underweight (which is a problem.  Not the part about being underweight, I mean; the part where being a certain body type is decided as superior to being otherwise.  That’s a problem).  I realize now that just because heavier women are undervalued in our society doesn’t mean that we should condemn skinny women for merely being skinny.  Not only is such thinking still sexist, it just works to breed more hatred and shame over superficial and arbitrary things.  Kate Moss may be far from an ideal role model for young women, especially ones who already have body image issues (“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” is one legit reason I have to dislike Kate Moss), but it’s just plain lazy to blame the entirety of society’s fucked-up body image standards on just one woman who happens to – by some miracle – fit those standards, standards which have existed long before she came along and which will forsake her should she ever cease to epitomize those standards.  It’s lazy because it distracts us from The Bigger Picture and keeps us from questioning the values held by those we may look up to and excuses us from recognizing our own prejudices and faulty values.  And all that really does is let the real bad guy prevail, and probably even grow stronger.

Mmm…lobster tails…

So while I doubt I’ll ever really get to like Kate Moss, I no longer dislike her for stupid reasons (I reserve my right to call her out if she ever again says something like “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”, etc., and may even mock her for believing such stupidity to be true for anyone besides her, or even herself, since I don’t know about her, but I’ve been on the skinny side all my life and it doesn’t really “feel” like much of anything.  Also, lobster tails – the pastries, not the crustacean anatomy – are frickin’ delicious and even if eating just one would instantly cause me to gain a gazillion and one pounds with little or no detriment to my health, I’d keep right on eating them.  So bite me).  And even though I may be of the opinion that the world would be no worse off if the modeling industry (as it is now, anyway) just didn’t exist, the fact that it does exist and continues to make people think stupid things has little if anything to do with Kate’s being a successful and high-profile employee in the business.  I do think it was rather thoughtless of her to publicly encourage malnutrition and/or self-punishment in order to adhere to a narrow beauty standard that she so conveniently exemplifies, but even that kind of destructive mindset has probably been crammed into her head from the very beginning of her career, along with the constant threat that she’d lose her job if she didn’t work stupidly hard and at the expense of her own happiness and/or well-being to maintain her “look”.

I’m not even mad anymore about the whole thing that started my bizarre Kate Moss rage-fest:  the “throwing-the-laptop-into-the-swimming-pool-and-making-me-wait-even-longer-for-the-next-Kills-album” thing.  Because you know what?  I have that album now.  And the fact that Kate Moss’s carelessness with other people’s electronics made me wait like two frickin’ years or however long it was does not take away from the fact that the finished product flipping rocks.  The stunt may have inconvenienced The Kills themselves, what with having to re-record all those tracks lost in the incident, but really, it was quite foolish of Jamie Hince to store important work-related files on only one device without backing them up at all.  I’m sure what with being a rock star and everything, he could maybe afford to invest in a flash drive or two.  I mean, jeez.  And yes, while it is till kind of stupid to throw electronic equipment around in a fit of rage, Kate isn’t even the only person surnamed Moss ever to have done so (she may, however, be the only non-fictional one).  So once again, Kate, if you are by some miracle reading this, I am truly sorry for saying mean things about you that you’ve probably also never read, and that as long as you remain Jamie Hince’s partner in nothing more than marriage (by which I mean that those rumors about you replacing Alison Mosshart in the Kills never become actualized), I have no reason to blame you for having a detrimental effect on The Kills’ music.

While I’m at it, I might as well go ahead now and apologize to Pamela Anderson for that time in ninth grade when I insisted that she was ugly, which spurred a shallow “yes she is, no she isn’t”-type argument with a male acquaintance who thought she was hot.  I still think it was wrong of said acquaintance to suggest that I only said she was ugly because I was jealous, because I wasn’t envious so much as I was a shallow, close-minded hypocrite.  I reserve my right to question Pamela’s good sense when it comes to her romantic partners, as Kid Rock has a tendency to make me want to barf and/or throw things, but I guess that’s just a matter of (very) personal taste.

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I Still Hate Kate Moss. July 21, 2009

Filed under: The Kills,Ugh...Kate Moss — yourbirdcansing88 @ 9:11 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,
What's wrong with this picture?

What's wrong with this picture?

Kate Moss must seriously be plotting to destroy one of my favorite bands.  First she annihilates a bunch of brand-spanking-new Kills songs before they make it to the album, and now…NOW I hear that she’s trying to weasel her way into the band while Alison Mosshart’s gone off to play with Jack White for a spell.  I hope the rumors aren’t true that Jamie Hince is actually looking for a female singer to replace Alison Mosshart.  Alison and Jamie are The Kills.  And anyway, I thought Alison was only taking a temporary hiatus from the band to tour with The Dead Weather (all those other guys have other bands too, after all).  And who the heck does Kate Moss think she is, anyway, thinking she could replace Alison?  Earth to Kate:  Alison Mosshart has real talent; she doesn’t have to settle for making a living as a walking, talking, coke-sniffing, spotlight-stealing mannequin.  And if that weren’t bad enough, while doing some research (courtesy of Google) to find out more about Kate’s apparent plans to further sabotage The Kills, I also found some rumors that Kate and Jamie just might be engaged.  I think I may gag.  Jamie, you seem like an intelligent enough man.  Do the smart thing and dump that glorified skeleton before it’s too late.

 
 
 

I Officially Hate Kate Moss. June 25, 2009

Filed under: The Kills,Ugh...Kate Moss — yourbirdcansing88 @ 2:55 AM
Tags: , , ,
Well, what do you know?  Under all that makeup, she's just an ugly coke-head witch.

The uglier side of a supermodel.

And no, not because I’m jealous of her fame, material wealth, or tall stature, nor that she gets to hang out with some of the coolest musicians (i.e. The Kills.  More about them later) and actors (i.e. Johnny Depp…well, maybe not anymore) under the age of 50.  No, not even because a perfectly good White Stripes cover of a perfectly good Burt Bacharach composition was sabotaged by Moss’s skeletal, lingerie-clad, pole-dancing frame being the main focus in the video (though believe me, that did not make my opinion of her any more favorable.  Nevertheless, it’s Sofia Coppola, the video’s director, who is truly deserving of my rage, as she was the one who came up with the video’s concept.  I don’t care who her father is, that video was a disgrace).  No, the reason why I now passionately despise that woman is because she has caused a delay in the production, and ultimately the release, of The Kills’ next album.

 

See, what happened was, Moss and her current boyfriend Jamie Hince (the male half of The Kills; the female half being Alison Mosshart, who’s currently fronting The Dead Weather) were having some kind of poolside tiff (note to self:  never get into a fight with someone anywhere near a pool.  There’s just to much potential for disaster) which resulted in Moss throwing a bag of Hince’s into the pool, unaware that that bag contained a laptop computer, and that Hince had saved several recordings of new songs by The Kills.  Unfortunately, these files were not only destroyed, but they had not been saved to any other source (yet another reason why I’m somewhat technophobic;

The Kills, quite possibly the most awesome band to have formed since the '90s ended...

The Kills, quite possibly the most awesome band to have formed since the '90s ended...

the thought that anyone would record and save songs on a single computer, especially a type of computer with a lightweight and aerodynamic form that facilitates its being hurled into a swimming pool, freaks me out).  So thanks a whole lot, Kate Moss, for making me wait for the next Kills album.  And just because she was unaware of the bag’s contents doesn’t give her any excuse.  You just don’t go throwing bags into pools, especially if you have no idea what could be in them, maybe something important, hmm?  I bet Kate Moss would flip her lid if Jamie Hince threw one of her purses in the water, even if it just contained her cosmetics (especially since, if the above picture is any indication, Moss’s public image would probably suffer big-time if she had to go for the rest of the day without a touch-up).  If I were Jamie Hince right now, I would not accept that kind of behavior at all.  I’d dump that no-good, electronics-throwing Kate Moss on her bony butt.