Part of me – the part that’s always strongly abhorred senseless violence – really wants me to hate the video for The Dead Weather’s latest single, “Treat Me Like Your Mother”. Directed by Jonathan Glazer, the video premiered about a week or two ago on Cinemax and, for obvious reasons, probably won’t be showing up on VH1 any time soon. By all logical reasoning, there’s very little in this video that should appeal to me. The plot’s simple: two people trek across a barren landscape toting machine guns, and for reasons which are never explained, open fire at each other. They put an innumerable amount of bullets through each other, and yet neither one of them dies. But I guess one of the few things that does appeal to me about this video – that is, that the duelers happen to be Jack White and Alison Mosshart – is what makes the video just look so dang cool. And that’s probably because Jack White and Alison Mosshart are the type of people who can do just about anything – short of exhibiting certain bodily functions – and make it look cool. Another thing about the video that appeals to me is its surrealism. I mean, these two people shoot each other about a gazillion times, yet neither one of them drops dead. I didn’t even realize just how surreal – or messed up – this video was until I watched it for a second time, and noticed that, at the end, you can actually see through the bullet holes shot through White’s body. This video can’t be all that it seems; it’s got to be a metaphor for something. For what, I’m not totally sure. Either that, or it’s just proof that Jack White is in fact, as I’ve long suspected, not a mortal being, but the walking undead. I’d say the same about Alison Mosshart, only it was already confirmed that she was a vampire in The Kills’ video for “Black Balloon” (no relation to the Goo Goo Dolls song of the same name. Oh, and by the way, here’s a little disclaimer: I make up conspiracy theories in my spare time just to amuse myself, and they’re not to be taken seriously. Except for the one I made up about Warren Zevon and Hunter S. Thompson being long-lost twins. That one I actually believe. Well, almost). Anyway, as much as I want to hate this video for not only its depiction of graphic violence, but the lack of realistic consequences resulting from said violence, I can’t help being fascinated by it. I just would think twice before showing this video to any impressionable young children. Jeez, listen to me; I’m starting to sound like those “video games make people violent” people that annoy me so.